Monday, March 31, 2008

dear you,

wtf do you have to shoot me down, fucking sarcastic little bastard. i hope you burn and rot and I NEVER EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 'cause you are painfully annoying, insensitive, cold and BLIND. freaking freaking BLIND. screw you.

pau

__________

Benrik says it's honesty week and it's time to write letters to people. maybe i'll do that later this week.

new york i love you,
but you're bringing me down

pau

__________

Sunday, March 30, 2008

dufh love,
pau

pau

__________

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

you know. all i wanted was to play. it's really not that hard. JUST GRANT ME ELIGIBILITY DAMNIT.

things haven't been working out all that well for me lately. i'm screwing things up one by one. hahaha. the story of my life. whatever.

tomorrow will be a better day, i promise.

pau

__________

Monday, March 24, 2008

and i forgot to tell you i love you
and the night's too long
i'm cold here without you
i grieve in my condition for i cannot find the words to say
i need you so

pau

__________

things frustrating me now:

1. the stupid transcripts and my freaking eligibility
2. not being able to play/train
3. raffles hotel
4. time
5. my wall
6. my LONG hair

pau

__________

Sunday, March 23, 2008

i need to go out moreee and let looooseee. omg this weekend was freaking awesome :) dufh and step up. we should just learn the dance and bring it on the field. GO DUFH!

show off that body you got
you got the dance floor so hot
you working that
you twerking that
you checking that, like a clock

pau

__________

Thursday, March 20, 2008

distance does screw things up. i never really thought much of it until...

the past couple of days, the distance between new york and north carolina feels like infinity.
the feeling of being unappreciated.
the pains of making that digital effort.
the formalities.

saying that it would all be alright when in fact i don't know what i'm talking about.

pau

__________

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

"okay pauline, this is your homework assignment. are all asians like that?"



yes. i'm just following the bakchoy trail

:)

pau

__________

Sunday, March 16, 2008

ok go - chicago - new york

a small makeshift stage at the side of the parking lot of kville
all those kville drunk kids appreciating the sounds

because kville's right next to the wilson gym
everyone was chanting for them to bring out the treadmills. that was hilarious
so to humor the crowd, they stepped off stage and moshed

excited shits!

in chicago. mani/pedi treat by hsinyao.
a surprise for chan.
though i knew all about it :)
but i managed to keep it a secret!

the murder mystery party that night.
chan was an investigator
i was this rich pompous tourist who had a dead husband
BUT that's not my real identity
i was a mafia BOSS :) WHEE

happy birthday!

my surprise birthday celebration thrown by my ex roomies in nyc :)

pac man made out of rubik's cubes

pau

__________

back in durham now :) 6 weeks of saikang and then i'll be home.

running in new york city was the most enjoyable thing ever. running on the streets, dodging people, running through traffic lights and listening to my ipod's the best combination of fun ever. have you ever read of those city street joggers who run in a straight path and dodge things in their path? scaling off walls, jumping over hydrants and bicycle stands, spinning around people and going absolutely wild. i wanted to be that jogger except i was too afraid of falling on my face and looking like a real idiot :( but hey, it was crazy fun just thinking about it.

the hair's grown too long and i can't cut it for another 2 months. i'm gonna start looking like medusa.

i wish i would stop being this passive aggressive little bitch and just stop my nonsense and quit being sarcastic and spiteful and stubborn and mean. hahhaaha. wow.

ps i love you.

pau

__________

Saturday, March 15, 2008

goodbye new york,
i'll be seeing you again

pau

__________

Thursday, March 13, 2008

i admit i'm flighty. especially with music. hahahaha wth. addicted to okgo right now.

so listen, i'm not trying to say anything at all here
there isn't much left, anyway, that hasn't been said
but don't you think that possibly, that this time, it's different?
don't you think that maybe this time you were wrong?

pau

__________

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

dear God,

comfort her. let her know that You have something bigger planned out for her. let her not be discouraged.

love,
me

pau

__________

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

one thing about holidays. there's so much free time that you are able to sit back and think. think ALOT. and that's kinda miserable since all i can think about is my family and friends back home who are dearly missed. oh well :) i'll be home soon!

chicago was a blast. it was great meeting up with my dearest jing :) and it was her birthday! :) yay!

now i'm in newyork :) and i don't wanna go back to carolina! nah, that's a lie. there's so much to look forward to there. but i miss what i had in newyork :( OKAY SEE WHAT I MEAN BY THINKING TOO MUCH?! wtf.

okay bye.

pau

__________

you're a million ways to be cruel.

pau

__________

Monday, March 10, 2008

GO RECS!

pau

__________

just when you think you're in control
just when you think you've got a hold
just when you get on a roll
here it goes again

pau

__________

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

101 on cameron crazies.

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/cameron/hits.html

and

http://youtube.com/watch?v=leV-rA_r4QQ

pau

__________

2 more days to spring break. AHH I CANNOT WAIT.

training today was a blast. i'm finally starting to get a hang of the terminology and the team's strategies. so one giant leap forward ladies and gents. and to add to that, i got back my papers for my women's studies and psy99 class. whee :) no more Bs and Cs for me! i deserve a star. hahaha.

i smell sex and candy
who's that lounging in my chair?
who's that casting devious stares at my direction
mama, this surely is a dream

pau

__________

!!!!

this is what happens when you miss people and you are procrastinating.

but OMG freaking awesome.

pau

__________

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

9th of march, we are springing forward baby :)

and i will be a good 12hours behind you sgeans.

sometimes it takes me a while to warm up to songs.
but man, am i addicted to this one

hahahah GUITAR HERO.
OMG.
dude reading this, i miss!!

pau

__________

Saturday, March 01, 2008

it was sarah's birthday today. we had crazy amounts of food and then ice cream :) mmm. freak la, i haven't done my training log for this weekend. and i seriously feel farking unfit when i train. tomorrow i will run. for sure. okay anyway. her boyfriend came down to visit her for her birthday, which is really very sweet of him. but the whole relationship is kinda complicated. they've been on and off for like a year. and to me that's screwed up.

to me, there's no such thing as being on or off. it's either you're in or you're out. you can't expect to stick your foot in the door and get away with it. i mean, when a relationship breaks down it obviously means that whatever's there is no longer there or that feelings have changed. and i especially cannot stand it when people feel pressured into getting back together because everyone's like, "omg, what happened? you guys were so good for each other. BLAHBLAHBLAH"

it's not about looking good together. it's not about what people think. there's no such thing as, "i cannot live without him" or "we were perfect for each other." no one's perfect and i don't see how two wrongs would make it right/perfect.

love is not about the high. love is not about making the other person so blissfully happy. love is not a bunch of roses. love is not a bouquet delivered to your door on valentine's day. love is not physical. love is not sweet.

love is being a bitch. love is bitter. love is selfish. love is about being annoying and irritating. love is the silence. love is all about the lows. love is raw. love is a bushel of thorns.

love in imperfect.

that's why it's so much easier loving myself :)

pau

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