Wednesday, April 05, 2006

sometimes the most discouraging people in the world can be your own family. okay. to be more specific my sister. it's all about universities again. i don't know why but she is constantly pitting herself against me and when there's a little thing that she is better than me in she doesn't waste her time to rub it in my face.

so i'm only managed to get into the waitlist for umich. and i was thinking to decline the offer to go for the waitlist, but my sister and mummy said i should accept it. and just when i was leaving my sister was telling my mummy how she got the offer straight out without having to go through as much trouble as i did (ie sending of recommendations, testimonials, a's results..) is she just being mean or am i just being oversensitive? i guess i am being oversensitive. i mean, she told me that if i got umich i should take it immediately because it's better ranked than NYU and she has a friend over there doing her PhD so she can look after me. so well that shows she's looking out for me right? i guess so. but i want to be able to be independent too. i want to be able to gain the same overseas university experience that both my siblings had. is that too much to ask? i don't know. sigh.

i guess everyone just wants to look out for me, you know. i mean i appreciate it, though sometimes i might show contempt towards them for their efforts. sigh. but i want NYU. i mean, i'm sure i want it. and my sister is the only one who keeps saying there's no point in going there. maybe i will play too much and lose focus in my studies and fail which defeats the purpose of being away in the States pursuing an education.

the past few days while at school and using mr chew's laptop (the teaching i've taken over), i have been searching the websites for umich, nyu and purdue. trying to compare them and attempting to conclude which best suits me. and i believe God is leading me to NYU. but again, i'm not sure. i'm not clear about much, i guess. i mean, it looks like a clear choice. but i wouldn't know. guess i just have to pray and maybe my sister is right? sigh.

pau

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