Thursday, April 27, 2006

i had a bad day yesterday.

got caught in the rain on the way to school. i was soaked. rah. went into class with a horrid headache. i couldn't teach with all that noise. flashed them my blackest face and stared my harshest stare. thank goodness, that was enough to earn myself some peace and quiet. finally a chance to conduct my lessons properly.

in addition to that. i was so so so tired that i just had to take a nap in the staffroom. so unglam. thank god for kevin who offered panadol. hahaha. i didn't even think about getting panadol. if it wasn't for that suggestion, i probably wouldn't have survived the day. in the end he disappeared to lessons without giving me my panadol. had to bug aimin for panadol. thank goodness she had some. she's been so stressed from the SYF string ensemble that she's been downing the panadol everyday.

left for training. it stopped raining in the afternoon, which was a good thing. went down to delta and watched some a div games. i really miss those days. playing in a school tournament. really miss being in rjc. oh wells.

had training. it was a killer. no beep test. i don't know why. instead we did 18x200m. training started with about 11 people. at the end of all the sprints there were only 5 of us. sigh. nevermind, we shall all persevere. we won't let the sprints kill us!

anyway i was quite upset about not being carded. 'cause when i'm not carded, it implies alot of other things too. like i'm no longer officially part of the team because 1. i'm not singaporean 2. i'm leaving for uni overseas. i feel like i'm being treated like a fool. on one hand they are saying they want me to keep playing and keep trying for citizenship. and not to sound mean and all, but they aren't very committed to getting me my citizenship. and even if they are, they are working awfully slowly.

i feel it's so unfair. it's not like i don't come for training. or i don't get injured. don't i deserve the privillege of being able to go sports council for treatment? i mean, in the past i was able to go, now i can't at all. what has happened in the past year? why is it that i can't get treatment from sports council anymore? rah.

then to add to that horrid feeling. i was looking at the people who ARE carded. no offence, but some have already quit the team and some just plainly don't give a damn about being part of the national team. and to be honest, i don't believe they deserve the place at all. they do not seem to take any pride in being part of a team. hey mate, it's the NATIONAL TEAM damn it. rah. what's the point of just making a list of names to hit the number allocated by sports council? what the heck do you get out of that?

okay. let's stop here. enough. i don't want to think about it anymore.

when the time is right, when God decides i deserve it, i will eventually get it.

i'm determined.

roar.

pau

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